I want a vacation (2005-04-14 - 7:08 p.m.)

The kids are driving me up the wall today, between the "animal cracker in our milk experiments and then GRIND them into the carpet", the "lets see how loud we can yell before we make mommy yell at the top of her lungs" and my personal favorite of the day. "We know mommy is out of smokes until daddy gets home so lets see exactly HOW many buttons we can push before mommy's head spins out of control." Though there is no spinning yet, I feel like there will be here soon. If I can just hold on for another hour till they go to bed, I can go get into the tub and let calgon take my ass far far far away.

Then of course there is the daily cleaning, the laundry, the cooking and today, I'm just not in the mood for it. I want to just vegitate and not lift a finger. Lord KNOWS, the kids, who are old enough to help even if it's just a little, can't seem to do anything but bitch about the clothes they DON'T have, because THEY don't bring the dirty clothes down. My husband is off tomorrow, which means, he will sleep all day, and I will continue to fill the slave roll. Which at times is how I really feel. I understands he works, but shit, so do I. How else does he have clean clothes on his ass and food in his stomach. Kids are taken care off and at the end of the day, I feel like I got run over by a mack truck 50 times over. He NEVER walks into a messy house. So I still think a little appreciation goes a long way. Which, I understand can be a EXTREMELY hard thing to give.

I am proud of my husband and I do respect that he works so hard, but I do too. He KNOWS that I appreciate the things he does, but why can't the favor be returned. When that doesn't happen, it gets me down in all honesty. I feel like everything I do for the family goes unnoticed. I have no idea how many times that needs to be expressed to him, but he still hasn't grasped it yet. It ultimately gives me a sense of lonelyness. Does that make any sense at all? I just want a little thanks here and there. or maybe people to notice that I actually do a lot of stuff around this house and at the end of the day I am tired too. He gets away from his job, he has vacations. I don't, I am here 24/7, no vacation, no day off, no nothing. So I don't want to hear the, "but do I have to, it's my day off" bullshit. I need a little freaking support to. If that means on your day off you have to actually run the vacuum so freaking be it. Last I checked I'm not the only person in this house.......
Ohhhhhhh, I'm just grumpy, I need a smoke and it's another 4 hours till he gets home. Isn't this gonna be a great freaking night! Until later